


Burned.

by HeWhoShallNotBeCaughtReadingFanFics



Series: Need a Light? [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Masturbation in Shower, Mutual Masturbation, Nonbinary Character, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-26
Updated: 2015-12-03
Packaged: 2018-05-03 12:42:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5291294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeWhoShallNotBeCaughtReadingFanFics/pseuds/HeWhoShallNotBeCaughtReadingFanFics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You've never seen a bastard orphan more in need of a break. Luckily, for Alexander Hamilton, the boy down the hall can help remedy that, but what happens when their transactions mean something more?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Inhale

**Author's Note:**

> I've seen a lot of college AUs lately and I'm so about this trend. This is one of the (if not the only) first multi-fics that I've ever written. What I have is written in three separate sections, the exposition, the actual fucking plot, and the sinful ending. I'm currently working on chapter 2 already and I'm going to try to crank out chapter 3 before I get off of my Thanksgiving break (literally all I've accomplished this entire week has been Hamilton fanfiction). Come get it!

“It will not be tolerated, Mr. Laurens. There are consequences to your actions and you will take full responsibility of them whether you like it or not.”

The campus police writes him a fine for his actions and report is to be followed. He makes no solid effort to lower his voice, permitting no privacy to the student’s information. Other students on the floor are peering out of their dorms now, trying to find the source of commotion. Alexander Hamilton is one of them. He is greeted with the scent of marijuana pervading the air and at the corner of the hall is a very angry RA and a tall police officer outside of the boy’s room. Surprisingly enough, too. He always seemed to stay to himself due to his single dorm and never came to the floor meetings, but curiosity has Alexander’s name written all over it.

At first, he paid the boy at the end of the hall no mind. Everyone gets in some kind of trouble during their college career and that’s okay. It happens. For the first couple of weeks, Aaron the RA, makes more rounds on his floor than usual. However, soon he gets tired of babysitting the poor decisions the students on his floor makes and goes back to his usual routine.

It isn’t until Alexander hits midterms that he cracks under the pressures of his schoolwork. As a freshman, he’s starting to have a difficult time pacing himself. It was finally hitting him that maybe he was not intelligent as he once thought he was. Although he was earning high grades in all of his classes, he wanted the A’s. B’s would serve him no purpose to on his transcript to apply for law school.

The library had just closed and usually he would be worried about walking back to his residence hall alone so late at night. However, he’s focused on the assignments that are due the next day and how he should not have spent so much time conducting his own research on defusing immigration laws. He just couldn’t afford to do something as mindless and tedious as sleep and fall back on his assignments. No, he would finish what little he had left and then find time for his bodily functions.

Upon arrival to his residence hall, he figures that he couldn’t go back up to his dorm. He’d see his bed and there was no saying no to it. He had also wanted to avoid waking up the gentle giant that was his roommate, Hercules. He was nice and often understanding, but he did not want to sever that tie by waking him up at such a late hour. However, he could get it all done. After all, it was only, “2:17? Yikes...”

He makes his way to the only room that was open to the public at this hour, the basement lounge. There is storage for bikes in the winter, but there is also a small kitchenette complete with stove, microwave, and sink, as well as, a few couches and a table surrounded by chairs, although those are not the features that caught Hamilton’s eye. At the head of the table is none other than the boy from down the hall.

“Do you mind if I sit here?” Alexander croaks out, his voice unsteady from the lack of use.

Without fully looking away from his work, he replies, “You pay tuition, don’t you? Take a seat.”

Although Alexander had passed by him countless during the semester, he hadn’t been able to actually get a full glance at him. It was then he noticed the freckles peppered onto his face and the hazel color of his eyes that he had only heard about in the romance novels he read when he was a kid. It was late though. Why was he up? Probably for the same reasons as Alexander, but he couldn’t help but to question why. Suddenly, he felt like he was intruding on his space. Perhaps, everyone was just spiraling through the semester just like him.

“The name’s Alexander Hamilton, but you can call me Alex.”

The other finally looked up from his laptop and warmly returns, “Good evening, Alex. I’m John Laurens. You’re on my floor, you live with Hercules, right?”

“Yeah, I’m over at 306. Just down the hall.”

“That’s my boy. He tells me you’re a freshman. How do you like living with him so far?” John smiles wide, expecting any kind of answer. It’s Hercules, after all.

“He’s pretty cool. It’s not my first time rooming with someone so I know how to keep within my limits. I think we’re on good terms.”

“Where you from, Alex?”

“Not important.”

And just like that, their small talk fades. Laurens didn’t have to know his past. He had just met him and he’s that stoner guy that got fined earlier in the semester. He didn’t owe him shit. He was pretty, but it was late. They both had work to do and soon Alex could give into the siren song that his bed was singing.

He gets one assignment done around 3am while John remains working on God knows what. Alex glances at his planner one more time, just to make sure that he only had to write a one page proposal and then he would be free. However, the requirements for the essay, and thus the proposal, is using material from twenty pages that he had yet to read and annotate.

Alex wants to scream. He feels like he’s swaying and he’s nauseous and he can’t close his eyes for more than ten seconds or else they would stay that way. He feels trapped in this personal hell of keeping these high expectations. His sleep deprived body makes him so caught up in his emotions that he starts to tear up, but he knows he can’t cry here. John Laurens is three away from him.

He settles for silent sobbing with his head down on the table and a long, cold drink of water from the tap. John probably can tell that he’s overwhelmed by the heaves of his chest, but Alex feels a little better when he starts to read and annotate the unread material.

He finishes at 4:47am while John remains staring into the void of his laptop and bids him adieu.

“Goodnight, John.”

“Sweet dreams, Alex.”

It’s that same voice that cradles him to off to sleep that night.

By the time Alex wakes up, the sun is shining obscenely bright through his window which sends him into a slight panic as he looks to his phone for the time. It reads 8:36am. Typically, he’s already leaving the dining hall by then and on his way to class, but his weight of his body sinks deeper into his mattress pad. To miss his 9am lecture or to not miss his 9am lecture, that is the question. He can make it if he really tries. Now, it sounds like a challenge and Alex is always up for a challenge.

Luckily, his roommate is absent, which makes rushing about the room much easier for him. Alex is able to leave his room fully clothed with fifteen minutes to spare. He remains in a speedy pace, almost jogging through the hall. He’s on a mission now and does not have the time to waste. Nothing can stop him...

...Except for John Laurens with a towel wrapped around his waist coming out of the communal bathrooms. The wavy curls are still dripping onto his shoulders while his chest is still glistening and Alex immediately eases his pace so he can gawk at him for just a little longer.

Hearing the footsteps that marching his way, John looks up from unlocking his door. He lets out a small, “Morning” and Alex’s mouth goes a bit dry, but he still manages to squeak out a reply.

He arrives at his lecture at 9:01am.

Classes are not any better than they were the day before. However, Alex’s caught up enough on his work that he rewards himself with a movie and Top Ramen once he gets home. When he walks up the stairs to his floor, there’s the faint echo of Biggie Smalls humming. The source is John’s room with his door wide open. He sits at the head of his bed with a sketch pad. Alex tries not to linger, but he’s already caught the others eye.

“Alex! What’s good?” He turns the music down a few notches.

He takes that as an invitation to step into his room. It’s definitely smaller from his own, but it has his own liveliness to it. There were Christmas lights hanging around the perimeter of the ceiling and posters of faraway places. A few are hand drawn pictures, most of them wildlife. At his desk was a small television, under it a gaming console. It was also clean, too. Something he would not see in his own room.

“I’m alright. How’re you doing?”

“I’m hanging in there. I don’t have classes on Thursdays so I wind down a bit on these days. Just alright?”

He takes this time to really look around John’s room, anywhere but John’s face, “Honestly everything sucks. It’s been crazy. There’s so much work to do all of the time and I just don’t think I’m cut out for this anymore. I used to think I was so smart and I know I am. I know I can do this, but it takes so much out of me. It feels like I can’t control anything anymore,” finally his eyes rest on John’s, “I’m sorry if I just bombarded you with all of my problems. I’m not usually like this. It’s just been kind of stressful lately.”

“Nah, man. Do you mind closing the door? Take a seat, drop your bag, make yourself at home,” John responds as Alex does what he’s told. “Listen,” he starts, “you can’t keep working yourself to the bone like this. Chill out. Pace yourself. School can chew you up real quick if you let it. Yo, fam, like if I studied like you were last night when I was freshman, my folks would have been stoked. My GPA would have been stoked. You’re doing it, kid. Cheer up.”

Alex smiles at the empathy. “Thanks, John.”

“Anytime. Listen, if you need some bud, I can get you some for pretty cheap... but the look on your face tells meyoudon’tsmokeandIjusttotallyruinedthisconversationIamsosorry.”

It isn’t until Alex starts to laugh that John feels like it’s okay for him to laugh, too. It wasn’t the most graceful sentence that ever came out of his mouth. For the first time in a while, Alex laughs until there’s tears streaming down his face and the air has escaped his lungs. His arms have begun to clap together like a dying seal and he feels great.

“I’m sorry,” Alex says when he finally pulls himself together, “it’s just been so long since I’ve had a reason to laugh that hard. You see, John Locke’s Second Treatise of Government doesn’t have such rapid changes in his voice like you do. No, I haven’t smoked before, but that doesn’t mean I’m not willing to try it. How much?”

“The first bowl is on the house if you’re done with classes for the day.”

Alex’s movie and Ramen are replaced with holding John’s hands while they follow the trail to one of the hidden spots behind their residence hall deep in the woods.They climbed over a group of pipes and walked through the trail to a shaded area. Underneath the trees is a bench made out of stones that looked man-made where the two of them sit, hidden from the world.

The temperature has declined along with the sun and they’re forced to see each other through the fluorescent light of Alex’s phone which has to be touched every thirty seconds or else they lose their primary source of light. They sit close keep for heat and for John to finish packing the bowl while they get to know each other better.

“Animal science major, but I’m thinking of switching to Human Rights. Some things are more important than managing the different types of food stock for cattle. What about you?” John asks, the bright Android light washing out his face.

“Pre-Law, but I’m trying to talk my advisor into letting me double majoring with Political Science.”

“Sounds like you’ve got a plan. Fight the system, man. I think we’re all set here,” he holds up the pipe, “So what you’re gonna do is hold this here,” he places his hands over Alex’s and shows him how to hold the pipe and cover the carb at the same time. His hands are warm and soft against Alex’s dry skin. He continues to instruct, “Alright, I’ll light it for you. The first time I tried to light it myself, I burned my thumb and the tip of my nose. Wouldn’t recommend it. Make sure you keep hair out of the way,” The few locks of hair that fall in front of Alex’s face are pushed back behind his ear by John as Alex leans into the touch. Although Alexander’s phone has been dim for a while, he can still see the smile on John’s face. “Now, take a deep breath and exhale everything and then put your mouth around it,” as he lights the end, “and pull. Hold it for a bit and then breathe it out.” And then, the coughing begins. John chuckles.“Perfect.”

Alex can’t tell if his cheeks are warmer because of John’s words or his body trying to warm itself in the October cold.

“So where are you from, John?”

John takes a nice, long hit, “South Carolina, born and raised. And I know you said it’s not important, but still I’d like to know.”

“The West Indies. Nevis to be exact.”

Alex takes another hit and coughs less this time. John smiles at his progress. “Ahhh, the Caribbean. How the fuck did you end up here?”

“I wrote my way out through scholarships. I had to. Survival.”

The subject drops after that. The wind roars and the wildlife flittering around makes music for them. John lights up again.

“Aside from the hellhole that is your academic life, how’s your social life?”

“I don’t really have one. I never really thought about it that much. I go to class, I eat, I do my homework, I see Hercules, and I go to bed. Then, the next day, I do it all over again.”

“You don’t have a group of friends? Or a girlfriend? Or a cat?”

“Well, no. I didn’t think I need to. I talk with Aaron sometimes, but I don’t think he counts. Besides, I don’t really swing that way.”

John coughs and Alex wonders if it’s because of his lungs or his admittance to his life. To be honest, John doesn’t quite know either. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry. I’m pansexual, myself. If you ever wanna chill, don’t be afraid to come through. Hercules is already over there half the time anyway.”

There’s a shared laughter, “That explains a lot. What do you do in your free time? I’m sure you have an actual life compared to me.”

“Please, I go to my classes, do my work, maybe go to the gym, and hang out with Hercules and our friend Lafayette back at my dorm. I’ll have to introduce you to them. They’re pretty cool. French, too. If it’s a special occasion, we get fucked up, but I don’t do much either.” He takes one last hit, “Ahh, yes. The age old millennial concept of ‘missing out’. A myth. You good with this?”

Alexander is finally starting to drift into the haze a bit more. His eyes feel like they’re sinking and he’s sporting a small smile. Everything is slower and for the first time in his life, he can’t think of anything to say.

“Never better.”

On the way back to John’s dorm, they don’t hold hands aside from when they have to climb over fallen pipes and trees, but Alex doesn’t mind. He’s too busy trying to hold himself up. His feet don’t feel like they’re his anymore as he floats next to John. As they make it back, he picks up his bag before he leaves for his own dorm.

“Thank you, John. For everything.”

John grabs a water bottle from his mini-fridge next to desk. “Anytime.”

“Before I go, though. What should I be expecting as far as... I don’t know the right term, side effects? I don’t really know how to manage being stoned.”

A giggle escapes the other’s mouth, “Expect to have dry mouth for one. So drink a lot of water. You know what?” he opens his fridge again and hands Alex a water bottle. “Better yet, just fucking stay here for a bit till you sober up. It’s only like 9:30. You should be fine in an hour or two.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to impose. I can always make Hercules suffer for the night.”

“No! You already smoked my weed. I’m making this an experience now, once in a lifetime.The Mari-John-a Experience. Come, sit!” John, along with his trusty Cool Ranch Doritos and water, climbs on his bed and lays against the wall. He pats the room next to him as a order for Alex to join him and with a grin that wide, how can he resist? As he turns on his television, he asks, “Now, what are we watching?”

They channel surf until they find Saving Private Ryan on, which is already halfway through, but they watch it anyway because it’s John’s favorite and also Alex’s favorite. After they spend a long time talking about what they like and dislike about it, their views on what it says on the time period, and what it means now, they’re finally engulfed within the plot, killing the bag of Doritos along with it.

There’s a warm silence between them.


	2. Hold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alexander Hamilton has never been satisfied and there's no intention of stopping now, no matter how hard he tries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Exposition. Check. The Actual Fucking Plot. Check!! Next chapter is the epilogue, which I'm most excited to write about and will probably be posted around (I want to say at the latest, but I got college stuff to do) Tuesday. We do kind of get a little in the niddy-griddy this chapter with masturbation and mentions of voyeurism which I will tag as soon as I post this. This chapter also features bamf!Lafayette and protective!Hercules. Enjoy!

The taste in Alex’s mouth is probably the worst thing to wake up to. An infomercial for a sex hotline is playing in the background and he knows exactly where he is, in John Laurens’ bed. 

His body, however, is warm due to the pair of arms wrapped around his torso, pulling him in. Their bodies are intertwined and for the most part he’s comfortable. If the commercial is quiet enough, he can hear the faint heartbeat from John’s chest as he inhales and exhales. There’s a slight snore and Alex puts it in the top five cutest things he’s ever heard. 

The hardest part is leaving. He debates on whether or not to stay, but what would happen in the morning? Who has class earlier? There would be an awkward tension that he doesn’t believe he can handle face to face. If he left now, it would still be there, but he wouldn’t have to deal with it directly in the morning. Very carefully he tries to slip out of John’s hold of him. When John stirs, it works out in Alex’s favor. He turns over and unleashes him from his trap entirely. 

When Alex gets his backpack and reaches for the door, he turns around to take one last look at John. He’s still in his clothes from the day and his mouth hangs open slightly, but still there’s an innocence to him. Alex takes a mental picture of this and leaves the room, making sure that the door does not slam on the way out. 

The next time the two of them are in the same room they’re in a dining hall together four days later. Alex is just swiping in while John is leaving. They make eye contact for the first time in days since the Mari-John-a Experience and Alex swears John winks at him, but then again, he could be making things up. 

That night, while Alex and Hercules are studying at his dorm, he asks his roommate about the boy he spent the night with.

“Hercules, can you tell me about a guy named John Laurens?”

Hercules looks up from his textbook, “Oh yeah, I was wondering when you would ask me that. I heard about your little rendezvous with him the other day. That’s my guy. What do you want to know about him?”

“Well, anything really. Is he a good guy?”

“Ahhh, Laurens? I’ve known him since I got to campus and that kid’s wild. There isn’t no stop to him once he has his eye set on something. Don’t know what he’s doing as animal science major when he’s the animal. He get what he wants and then he’s out just like that. I’m surprised that he’s kept me as a friend. Then again, I’m just like that. So, yeah. If you’re asking if he’s a good guy, then yeah, he’s determined, but watch out for him. Can’t let those big brains of yours go to waste in all of that haze.”

It sounds like a challenge.

However, with Hercules’s words, he’s a bit more cautious now. Prior to the conversation, he hadn’t known why he had not communicated with John since. Perhaps it was fear of confronting the awkwardness, but now there was a reason. He didn’t want John to just spit him out, but he couldn’t spit him out before he even entered his mouth. So Alex comes to the conclusion that he would see him only for the weed. That’s it, just business partners at most. 

The next time the two cross paths, Alex has just finished his midterms and for the first time in a while, he has room to breath even if for just a second. After all of the stress that he has gone through, he is determined to reward himself with a taste of John’s presence. It’s late when he thinks of the idea, but he figures that John is a night owl. Every knock on the door heightens his anxiety and Alex loves every bit of it. 

There is a tiny bit of commotion and then a slight pause until John opens the door, but when he finally does, it’s with a small. “Hey, Alex! Come on in. What’s good?”

His room is pretty much the same as Alex remembers with a few exceptions of some new drawings on his wall and a fuller hamper. The biggest surprise is that there’s someone sitting on top of his bed that he hasn’t met before.

“You know me, I’m hanging around. I’m Alex, by the way,” he says, extending his hand to the stranger.

“Alexander Hamilton, to be exact. See? I remembered.”

The stranger accepted his handshake, “I bet you my entire financial aid neither of you will be able to remember mine. Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier de Lafayette, but please just Lafayette is fine.”

The memory clicks in his head. “Oh! John was telling me about you.”

“Good things, I hope.”

“Well...” John jokes.

Alex reassures, “He just mentioned that you were cool and French.”

“Why can’t I be both? You know, like ‘Lafayette: The Cool French Person’. Being French is cool and then me as a person is also cool, which just adds to my coolness factor--”

“What brings you in, Alex? Here to chill or am I making a sale?”

“I’m celebrating the end of midterms by spending $20 on weed so I can celebrate even more for buying weed for the first time.” Alex jokes and the room fills with laughter.

John walks to his closet and opens up the safe after putting in the code. He takes out a tube of Pringles and honestly, Alex is pretty confused. That is until he opens it. He pulls out an empty Ziploc bag from the safe and carefully pours an amount from the Pringles tube into the bag. 

Quickly, he fumbles with his wallet fast enough to fish out the crumpled twenty and hands it to John, as he sticks the baggy into his pocket of his jeans. Their hands overlap one another and they laugh the awkwardness off. 

“Thanks, again, John. I really appreciate it.” 

“Anytime, man.”

“You two should exchange numbers,” interjects Lafayette from the bed. Alex almost forgot they were in the room. 

“Good thinking. That way if you wanted to meet up to match a bowl with me and The Great and Powerful Lafayette here, you can get in contact with me.”

They swap phones and create new contacts. Just like that, they become a little more connected and a little part of Alex’s plans go up in smoke. 

He likes it.

As he closes the door, he can hear a faint yell in Lafayette’s voice whether he was supposed to or not. It sounds like “You’re welcome!” When this is all over, whatever ends up happening, he needs someone to remind him to thank them.

The two boys meet again periodically, but it’s never same after the first night. They both have their sets of issues. Laurens receives news from home that his father disagrees with the change of his major which sends him into a funk for a week. The next couple days after, Hamilton is covering someone else’s shift for the daily campus’s advice column. It’s non-stop. 

However, they slip into the crevasses of each other’s schedule. 

Two days later after exchanging numbers, when he went to actually smoke it, Alex realizes that he has nothing to smoke it out of. Three texts later and a knock on John's door, he’s happily outside at the same spot that John took him, smoking away in a bong made from an apple. He only burns himself with the lighter about four times. He stopped coughing a while ago.

About two weeks after that, Alex runs out of weed and buys more to satisfy his anxiety of publishing his first column in the campus newspaper and to get his almost weekly dose of John Laurens.

About four days later, Hercules and Alex are having lunch in the dining hall in between classes. After the first week of the semester started, they found each other so often here that it became a pastime. Today is an added bonus because John Laurens walks in and Alex’s eyes light up. 

“Hey, guys,” he greets as he puts his backpack down at the empty side of the table, “What’s up?”

Before Alex can get a word in, Hercules replies, “Nothing, man. We’re actually just about to bounce. Class and shit, you know what it is.”

“But!” Alex interjects, “I think I can still for a little while. You just got here.”

“Don’t you have that presentation for Washington’s class you were working on today in fifteen?” Hercules asks.

“Yeah,” adds John, “It’s chill. We can hang some other time then. Good luck on your project, Alex.”

It’s a cycle that goes on for a while, but the worst part of it does not start until Alex goes back to his dorm after a late night of studying during the second week of November. His work has piled up in a race to be finished before the Thanksgiving break. It will be finished eventually, but this time around, Alex has spaced his work in order for him to pace himself. He’s confident this time.

His ego deflates when he gets to his floor. Alex always slows down at John’s door. Whether it is just to make sure he’s okay or to see if he’s home, there’s no real reason other than that he’s protective of him. Alex becomes even more protective when he hears a loud moan from a high pitched voice, definitely not John’s, coming from his dorm and a rhythm from the slam of his headboard. He’s almost aroused, but then realizes that what he’s doing is considered being a Peeping Tom and walked away. However, not without hearing a hefty grunt that was totally, most positively John Laurens. By the time he sees Aaron the RA coming from his room which is the door after next, obviously not looking very happy after quiet hours, he’s already hard. 

With Hercules already studying in his room, Alex takes the liberty of jerking off fast and messy in the shower. There’s something so wrong about overhearing John fuck someone else, but that grunt sounded so raw and uncontrollable that it drives Alex wild. And yes, he’s angry and betrayed, but he has a bigger issue to be addressed right now and that’s his dick. He comes with one hand pressed against the wall to keep him steady, another around himself, and a repeated sound of that grunt inside his head. Now, all that’s left is angry and burning jealousy.

When he covers himself with a towel and dries himself off, he can hear footsteps come in, step into the shower next to him, and start to run the water. He exits the shower and brushes his teeth furiously at the sinks. As he does so, John walks through the bathroom door, his curly hair mussed more than usual and there’s a line of hickeys that make Alex’s gums bleed from brushing too hard, but John is wrapped in a towel and Alex wonders what the consequences would be if he just “accidentally” unwrapped it when passing each other. He doesn’t try it, but it’s almost enough to make him want to get back into the shower. They make eye contact and once again, but for sure this time, John winks. He gets in the shower with the person already in the stall and it’s the last time they see each other for the night. 

Alex lies awake that night wondering what comes next. Instead of feeding into his own mind, he takes the other side and tries to justify why this is okay. That John fucking someone that wasn’t Alex was fine. He thinks of John’s well-being. It’s natural and healthy to have sex. It releases valuable and good chemicals in the brain and he’s proud of John for taking care of his body. Also, he’s building a good relationship with this girl. Obviously, just working on some communication skills that would benefit him in the workplace when he graduates. Although those reasons are what Alex wants to believe, he realizes that John and him aren’t dating. This isn’t some game he could keep playing back and forth through subliminal messages of what is going on in his head. John saw that Alex wasn’t pursuing anything and he left. They’re just friends, acquaintances at matter. He doesn’t know John. He just hopes it’s not too late.

The next day, Alex sends out a text that reads, “What are you doing tonight?”

For the next three days, they talk non-stop, whether they go out to lunch, they share a bowl, or even they even just text each other. They figure out that they have more in common than once thought and it’s great. They both had to be talked out of going into the military, their home life, albeit for different reasons, is difficult, and they love talking about politics. The best part is is that they have different views. They arrive at the same answer, but get there through different reasoning. 

By Friday, Alex is glowing with happiness and even sits down to talk with Lafayette and Hercules who are very much excited to see him come into his own. The four of them have dinner together that night. 

“Hey, this has been nice, y'all, but Art Club starts in ten minutes and I gotta go. I’ll catch up with you again later on,” exits John.

When John leaves, all eyes turn on Alex.

“We need to have a talk,” Hercules says.

Alex’s eyebrows rise, “About what?”

“About John,” replies Lafayette. Alex suddenly knows that they planned this entire thing. “You, Monsieur Hamilton, need to make up your mind.”

“What are you talking about?” he denies. 

Hercules starts, “We know that you’re into him. We can see it. You don’t have to hide, man. It’s cool, but we just need to talk about it.” 

“Okay, fine. Yeah, I’ll admit it. I like John,” It feels foreign on Alex’s tongue just saying it out loud for the first time, “what am I making my mind up over?”

“Do you have plans to go after him? What are your intentions?,” Lafayette asks.

Hercules nods and adds, “Yes! You have been driving him crazy these past few weeks. One day, you’re into him and then next day you’re too busy. You can’t just keep leading him on, bro. It’s not fair. We’ve been trying to tell him to hold on, but at this point, is it worth it anymore? I just want to know because I told him just to move on and he’s doing that. Just either do something or just stop, man. Don’t ruin it for him.”

“I, however,” Lafayette says, “have faith in you that you’ll rise up to the occasion. I just need to get in the big head of ours. Or what would be more beneficial is if you stopped living in yours, Alex. If you like him, why haven’t you told him?”

“Well at first I was afraid,” Alex admits, “but then I was talking to Hercules, and you said that he went through people so fast and I didn’t want that. I wanted to keep him close to me for a long time, not just be some throwaway joke that you as a group joke about. So I thought if I just keep him as a connect than I would be able to at least be his friend, but then I saw him with someone else, or heard them at least, and I know that I want him. I want to try. I just don’t want it to be too late.”

Lafayette immediately hits Hercules and starts swearing at him in French. Although it’s been awhile since he’s been around other French speaking people, he catches a few phrases about his mother and where his shoe can fit for ruining other people’s relationships and by the end of it all, Hercules looks sincerely upset.

“Alex, I didn’t intend for that to hinder you to from doing what you want,” Hercules apologizes, “I’m sorry for saying that. Had I known you liked him I would’ve set you guys up or something. I just didn’t want you to get hurt.”

“Don’t apologize. It’s my relationship with him after all. I have to own up to my actions. He’s already seeing someone though. So I don’t know what to do anymore,” Alex replies. 

“Who? Martha? Oh please. You don’t have to worry about her. She’s his ex-girlfriend, but he felt like there was no reason not to say yes. If you like him so much, you have to be that reason, Alex,” answers Lafayette. 

“You got this, man,” Hercules adds, “I’ve been watching you all semester and you’ve grown a lot. I have to give you credit for it. You may think that he’s been going out and hooking up with other people, but once he’s in a relationship, he’s on lock. Don’t throw away your shot, man.”

After dinner, Alex goes back to his dorm and texts John.

“We need to talk.”


	3. Exhale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alexander built palaces out of paragraphs and cathedrals; all of which stayed inside of his head, until now...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter and I'm very upset about it. I'm so proud of this and I wish it didn't have to end. It was very hard to end because they're just at the beginning of their relationship. I did change the rating. This chapter bumped up my mature rating to very explicit sinning. What I might do in the future is right another fanfic, but in this AU and in this background as the established relationship. Who knows what my winter break holds! Lastly, I'm going to be honest and admit that I'm writing this kind of fucked up right now. I know, I know, it's only Wednesday, but I have my reasons. So please, if you see anything that doesn't make sense, that is why. Just comment below and I'll fix it.

They meet up at the stone bench. However, it is John who arrives later. Alex can tell due to the light shining down to guide John’s way from his phone. He appears in the dull light and winces a bit in shock feeling how cold the seat is. They remain in silence, just they did over a month ago, but this time, they don’t even attempt to keep the light going, as if their emotions were wondering in the dark. Alex still can’t tell if his cheeks are flushed from the cold or from being in John’s presence.

“Well,” John starts, “you said you wanted to talk. What’s going on? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong. I don’t want to feel wrong anymore.”

“What the fuck does that mean?”

“It means that I like you, John. I really fucking like you, alright? And I’m tired of running around pretending that I can’t anymore because when I’m with you, I can’t hide it. I just can’t. I want to know more about you. I want to be the closest we can possibly be, but I’m so scared of being hurt. I’m so afraid that you’re just going to take what you want from me and leave and I just can’t do that, alright? I just can’t. When I saw you in the bathroom with someone else, I didn’t know what to do, but I knew I couldn’t hide it anymore. John, I’m sorry if I led you on, but I just don’t want you to leave me. Please don’t leave me, John. _Please_...”

Alex covers his mouth, trying not to let the other listen to the sob that escaped. There was so much built up emotion that he hadn’t addressed before. The abandonment, the fear, and the overwhelming amount of loneliness had never left his head before. He thinks of making an appointment with the mental health services on campus as he tries to stop his tears from falling.

He is once again pulled out of his head by his hand being held by the other.

“I won’t leave you, Alex.”

Alex tries to pull his hand away, “Don’t pity me, Laurens. If you don’t want this, say so. I know that I’m a lot to handle and I’m still learning to get out of my mind, so if you can’t do this, let me know. I’m a big boy. I can handle you saying no to me. I get it, but please don’t fucking pity me.”

“Can you please just shut up for two seconds so I can convince you that I have fucking feelings for you, too? You think I’d really stay in a relationship with somebody that I wasn’t into? When I’m with someone, I put everything into it. I can’t half-ass my feelings like that. I like you, Alex and you know that, too, which why I don’t understand why you would play me like that. I wanted to be with you. You put so much passion into everything you do. That’s what I like about you. So I was confused when you would half-ass something that was really there. That’s why I’m so happy that you’re actually letting me in for once completely. I know you have a rough past, but I can’t help you through that if you don’t let me in, Alex. So, no, I’m not leaving you and that’s because I wanted to you stay in the first place.”

The grip of their hands tightens more than ever. Although they’re in the dark, they can still see their silhouettes looking at one another, leaning into each other. A voice in Alex’s head says, _“Don’t throw away your shot, man.”_

“John,” Alex asks, “Can I-- I um... Can I?” He licks his lips and John takes this as a nonverbal cue to kiss him. Their lips brush gently and it’s different than what Alex has felt before. He doesn’t have a lot of practice, considering he’s only kissed one other person before and those were stolen pecks from the errand boy at the import-export firm he worked at in high school. No, John’s lips are plump and way more soft. He feels warmth radiate off of John. Soon, John’s tongue dances on the seam of Alex’s lips and immediately he lets their tongues collide. Whatever rhythm they had before is now gone and they are messily making out. Learning to kiss John Laurens becomes Alex’s favorite challenge yet. He tries new things and they don’t stop until Alex sucks on the other’s bottom lip as John groans.

“ _Shit_...” John exclaims.

“Yeah...” Alex agrees.

“So what does this mean?”

“Are we dating now?”

“Yeah. You’re definitely my boyfriend. Like definitely my boyfriend. There’s no other option, like that’s it.”

They laugh at the over enthusiasm.

“Do you have a light?” ask Alex, searching through his bag. He pulls out a pre-rolled blunt while John fishes out a lighter from his coat pocket.

“So this means you can stop smoking so much. Your lungs and long-term memory will thank you.”

Alex takes a hit and chuckles, “Oh, so my dealer is telling me to stop smoking so much. How appropriate!”

He hands it over to John, which he accepts graciously, “It’s true, though. Take care of yourself. You don’t have to hide behind me anymore. It’s not healthy if you verge on addiction. In fact, I’m cutting you off for awhile after this.”

“At least I was your favorite customer,” Alex grins.

“Hey, can we try something? If you’re comfortable with that?”

“Well that depends what it is.”

John takes his hand and guides Alex’s face towards his, just hovering. He can feel Alex’s breath on his mouth. Alex moves in to kiss, but John pulls back.

“Not yet. Just stay there.”

He clocks his head sideways and turns slightly to the left so he can pull from the joint. Alex sees his chest inhale, but doesn’t blow the smoke out from his mouth until John places lips gently against his own. He sighs into his mouth and blows the haze which Alex drinks down hastily. It’s secondhand smoke so it’s kind of weak, but it’s from John and that’s all Alex wants.

“How was that?” John asks.

“Hot. Now, do it again.”

And John does several times more until his head is spinning and gives the last of the blunt to Alex to finish off. They sit in silence, watching the world revolve around them even if just for a moment.

“John, we should go upstairs. Your nose is getting really red and I can’t date you if you died from pneumonia.”

“Yeah, yeah. You’re right. Let’s go.”

They hold hands as they climb back over the pipes and the fallen trees, but they don’t let go even when they reach their residence hall. As they reach the top of the staircase and Alex stops at his door with a reluctant John stopping with him. He hugs him from behind as Alex fiddles with his keys.

“Why are we stopping here? You should stay with me for tonight.”

“I will, but I refuse to sleep in my clothes again like I did before. I had imprints from my skinny jeans for like days.”

“Who said you’d be keeping your clothes on?” John says. Alex can feel the smirk on his neck as John is bruising his neck, “I’ll let you borrow some of my clothes. It’s fine. Besides, it’s Friday. We can just hang back.”

They make the final walk back and John’s unlocking the door to his dorm when he hears a familiar voice.

“Good evening, Alex!”

Alex turns around and tries not to panic, “Aaron Burr, sir! Hey. How’re you?” Maybe if he acts normal enough, he won’t notice either boys bloodshot eyes.

Aaron the RA leans against the wall, smiling brightly at his resident who he assumed was going to be a great leader had he some good guidance to point the way, “I’m alright. I didn’t see Mr. Laurens, there. I didn’t know you were friends,” he squints, now understanding that there may be something going on that he could intervene with considering the events of the beginning of the semester. Luckily, John unlocks the door.

“Yeah. ‘ **Friends**.’ about that... Good night, Aaron!” Alex replies as he slams the door before the RA could get in another word.

They burst into a fit of giggles from the thrill of almost getting caught. As the laughter fades, they smile at each other in fondness and share a moment of silence. Finally. Alone with John Laurens, his boyfriend. His boyfriend, John Laurens who was physically here in the flesh and not in his dreams. He didn’t know what he wanted to do first. He was helpless.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to do anything. We’re both pretty stoned. We have all the time in the world,” John says, stripping down to his boxers. He reaches for a pair of sweatpants from inside of his drawer, “You can relax, Alex. I didn’t know I was dating a vampire who has to be invited to do things.”

“I thought that they just needed to be invited in. Besides, it’s called being polite.” Alex leans against John’s bed. He takes the pair of sweatpants and the t-shirt that John gives him and starts to change. The articles of clothing are a little large on him, but it smells like John; must, faint smoke, and Old Spice.

“You look adorable,” John says as climbs on top of his bed, dragging Alex along with him. Alex fits himself comfortable in between John’s legs. He wraps his arms around John’s neck and leans into kiss him. It’s different this time. They have dry mouth and the tongues drag across each other roughly. It’s gross, but it’s John and it’s Alex so they love it. Alex weaves his fingers into the roots into John’s curls, carefully not pull, but to massage gently. John works down Alex’s neck on the crease between his neck and shoulder, which makes Alex jerk forward and tug his fingers through John’s curls. John groans and ruts against Alex. Shocked at the intensity, Alex looks down at John, who greets him with pleading eyes. They both nod.

So much for doing nothing.

John rises and Alex swings his leg over to get out of the way. He climbs off of the bed and dives into his sock drawer. As he pulls out a small bottle of lube, Alex checks out the curve of John’s from behind.

“See something you like?” asks John. He bends lower, pushing his ass higher up.

Alex nod, sitting up, “I’m pretty sure, but I would have to do some further analysis to prove my hypothesis, though.”

“Oh, really? Is that so?” John flirts back. He climbs back onto the bed and straddles Alex’s waist. Alex leans back a bit farther against the wall to shift John more on top of him. He weaves his hand to get a firm grip on his ass and spreads his hands so he get a handful. He kneads the muscle there. Alex remembers him talking about going to the gym. He thinks of all of the squats he had to do to get a firm ass like his and how hot and sweaty he probably was by the end. John bucks against Alex’s hands and it develops into a rhythm.

The set tempo keeps going until John lets out a grunt, but not any grunt. It’s the same grunt that Alex heard through the door not too long ago. It drives Alex wild. He thrusts forward along with John’s grinding and grazes his erection with John’s and he hears it again. It’s him making John sound raw. He’s the one making him want and pant, not some girl named Martha. It’s all him.

John slows his winds down and fingers Alex’s sweatpants waistband. Alex takes the hint and takes out his dick while John does the same. John feels around the sheets to find the bottle of lube. He squirts a copious amount on to his hand and grips both of their cocks. They both shivers at the coldness of the gel and the friction from his hand. Slowly, he begins to jerk his hand vertically. Alex leans in to kiss him, which John accepts wholeheartedly. They’re tender, slow kisses until Alex bites John’s bottom lip and John’s jerks his hand at an odd angle, which elicits a whine from Alex’s mouth. John takes this time to suck another bruise on to Alex’s exposed neck. His whine only gets louder.

“If you keep being so loud, Aaron’s gonna come back here and shut you up, but then again, that’s probably what you want,” John whispers into Alex’s ear. He speeds up his hand and Alex thrusts into it, wanting to earn his orgasm. “Yeah, that’s what you want, someone to watch as I make you shout.”

“Fuck me, John. Please, just fuck me. Make me shout. Want you in me,” Alex grinds his body against John who’s sucking his earlobe.

“Not yet. Wanna take things slow. Nice and slow for you, baby. We’ve got time. Let me take care of you, Alex.”

John slides his thumb over the tip of Alex’s head, which cause an eruption of curse words that spout from Alex’s mouth.

“Wanna come for you, John. Wanna come so bad.”

John quickens his hand movement and places his free hand on Alex’s neck to pull him into a slow, lustful kiss. “Come for me, Alexander.” He nips sharply at the space where his jaw and neck meet and swipes his thumb after every stroke of his hand.

With a shout of John’s name, Alex coats himself and John’s hand. As John gradually lessens his strokes, he’s fascinated on how much comes out of him. However Alex knows he’s not done. He wants to help John and return the favor. He reaches over towards John’s hand to guide him away as he took over for him.

“Now, let me take care of you.”

They share a gentle kiss as Alex jerks him off fast and full of technique. He squeezes at the base and as he goes up, he loosens his grip at the tip, acting very delicate and it makes John lose his mind.

“You’re so-- _shit_! You’re so good, Alex. Mmmm, so good for me,” babbles John.

It isn’t until Alex weaves his free hand into John’s curls and gives it a hefty tug that John lets out in a harsh grunt as he comes in Alex’s hand.

They swap positions to where Alex lies on top of John’s chest. It’s an easy rhythm to fall into when they’ve already done it once when they first met. Alex feels like he’s underwater, heavy and submerged with bliss, still high off of adrenaline and the blunt they smoked earlier which is still pervading in his mind. Yes, this is what he wanted all along.

“John?”

“Yes, Alex?”

“Thanks for picking up your phone tonight.”

“Anytime, babe.”

“...We should wash up, though.”

“I’ll get another change of clothes.”

They slept soundly that night and deep into the next day. When Alex wakes up, the sun is shining brightly and it’s the most well rested he’s ever been in awhile. He’s alone, but he hears the slight murmur of John’s television. In the foot of the bed sat his boyfriend, shirtless with his hair tied in a low ponytail, with a controller in his hand. Alex rolls over to see a level of Smash Bros. on the television screen. He leans up giving a playful kick to John.

“Good morning, sunshine!” John says as he pauses his fight.

“Well, good morning to you, too. Why’d you stop? We haven’t played this one together yet. I wanted to see if you’re good enough to play against me.”

John chuckles and continues to play. As he watches John play, Alex figures that maybe this is what it would have been like had he stayed that night, sitting in silence and watching John kick ass, from the comfort of John’s bed. Maybe it wouldn’t have gone like that at all. It would have been awkward and John would have felt tense, but none of it matters. He likes where he is now. He’s glad he stayed.

By the time Lafayette and Hercules barge in to hang out, they realize that the atmosphere has changed. No one is walking on eggshells anymore. In fact, they’re more open to expressing themselves and keeping the door open. They make a day out of playing video games creating tournaments. Alex plays from the space in the middle of John’s Indian-style seating, and Hercules manages to wreck all of them, which John can’t figure out how. They even try to pull Burr in for a round or two, which he declines . However Lafayette and Alex team up to take down the other two. For right now, it’s enough.

Of course, things come up. Winter break is the hardest because John goes back to South Carolina while Alex goes back to Rhode Island and Skype dating is harder to manage when you already know how it is to be in someone else’s arms. They make it through, though. They continue to work it through the spring semester and even though, they don’t know what the future holds, they know they’ll take every opportunity to not throw away their shot.


End file.
